Category: body image

Dealing with the Difficult Disconnect

Published on by GeorgieLeave a comment

‘I’m sure my arms look bigger than they did yesterday.

‘My thighs are chunkier too.

‘I can’t even bring myself to look at my stomach and these jeans buttoned up much easier than this a few weeks ago.’

These are the thoughts I had this weekend, catching sight of myself in the mirror and feeling my heart sink at the reflection staring back.

Why are these extra pounds clinging like this? Why is my face so much rounder? And most importantly…how on earth am I supposed to cope with how difficult this feels?

I’m almost three years into an eating disorder recovery programme and assumed I’d experienced all of the many emotions it could throw at me. The anxiety, the low mood, hopelessness and the frustration and impossibility of making the necessary improvements. It’s all been an uphill struggle and the hardest battle I’ve had to fight.

However what shouts loudest now is a feeling of confusion and disconnect – how can I look ‘better‘ yet feel so much worse?

Negative thoughts flooded my mind as I fought back the tears of some of the worst sorrow I’ve ever known. I just wanted to escape this shell that now feels unfamiliar, unwelcome and as if it’s taking up too much space.

Shouldn’t I be over this by now? I’ve spent the last 12 months gradually gaining weight and thought I’d tackled these thoughts and feelings of resentment and anger. Why are they still causing me such grief? When will my head catch up with my body and feel more in sync, instead of this horrible gap between mental and physical progress?

With so many questions buzzing around my mind, I also worried what others would think. Would they stare at me as they tried to work out why I looked different? Would they make innocent comments that I’d twist and take offence to? Will I get rejected by people including the support services that have brought me this far? I’m not ready to cope alone…

The truth is I don’t have the answers. I’m sure there are many people in similar positions right now who will identify with all that I’ve described. It’s not easy to know how to deal with the mix of emotions this disconnect causes.

What I can do though, is keep reminding myself of the following pearls of wisdom that friends and professionals have shared me recently:

  • This is common – many people in ED recovery will go through this exact same process and so I/we are not alone in feeling like our bodies are wrong and minds are right.
  • The vision is skewed – when you’re hypersensitive to bodily changes, you’re more likely to exaggerate and skew them in your mind. The image that you see of yourself is likely to be much larger than you truly appear to others.
  • It can take months to adjust to weight restoration – a therapist told me that many people can take up to six months at a steady higher weight until they start to feel more accepting and comfortable with it.
  • You are more than a body – even if I do feel too big or unhappy with my shape, my appearance is only one small element of my overall existence. What I look like has nothing to do with my character, values and relationships which are all far more important to me long term anyway.
  • Recovery isn’t comfortable – nobody said this was easy. It was always going to be very hard to undo rituals and behaviours that have taken years to root themselves in. Accepting and preparing for difficult days ahead will hopefully lessen the impact they have when they come.
  • It gets better – everything feels harder when it is new and it’s the same with weight gain. Those first signs of a fuller face or rounder stomach will be hard to take but time will heal the upset they cause as the mind adjusts.

Keep going!

G x

Keeping motivated in recovery

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They say patience is a virtue and you certainly need it in spades during eating disorder recovery. 

I recently attended a workshop where the facilitator announced that the average recovery time for an individual with an eating disorder is seven years, making them one of the longest lasting mental health conditions. 

It’s common for us to suffer both physical and mental hardship, with the challenging symptoms and effects needing a great deal of time and commitment to improve. 

When someone experiences a restrictive disorder, there’s a high chance they will need to spend months weight restoring before they are healthy enough to engage in a structured recovery programme. Lapses and relapses can also sometimes occur, meaning the sufferer goes through a setback and must spend time rebuilding to get back to where they were before. 

It can be a cyclical process that demands endurance, resilience and bucketsful of love and support from those around us. 

Of course, each set of circumstances is unique and not everybody will spend that amount of time in treatment, but how can we keep positive through the ups and downs? How can we stay on the right track if our brains are screaming at us to revert? What are the most effective ways to remain motivated during recovery?

Remember the reasons you started 

It can be really helpful to make a list of reasons to recover and use it as a reference point when you feel like pulling back.

You can include the negative impact your eating disorder has on your physical health, the space it commandeers in your head and everything that it prevents you from doing. It might also help you to write down what you would like to do once you have progressed on your recovery journey and the things you can enjoy more if you weren’t being restrained by your condition.

Surround yourself with positivity

It can be hard to stay motivated when there are negative people and influences around you. These can be friends and family members, colleagues and online channels.

Whilst it’s very difficult to distance yourself from people, you can choose which profiles to follow on social media and who you engage with digitally more easily and ensure your down-time is not spent being drained by unnecessary comparisons and feelings of inadequacy. If your networks aren’t uplifting and inspiring you, it might time to seek some healthier ones.

Incentivise yourself

It can really help to have an incentive or something to reward your progress with if you start to feel directionless. Whether it’s material like a new item of clothing or gadget, or an experience such as a holiday it can really boost your morale and keep you on the right track. 

You may also benefit from planning to undertake a new qualification or make a lifestyle change like a different career path once your health improves. Whatever feels exciting and motivating, try and factor it into your recovery goals. 

Keep talking 

If you’re finding it all too much or dipping in motivation then it’s key that you confide in someone you trust.

Whether it’s a friend or family member, colleague or medical professional, they can support you to stay on track and remind you of the benefits of recovery. Talking can take the power away from the temptation to revert and this could in turn help to prevent a relapse. 

Self-care 

It’s a massive change that you’re undertaking, trying to improve difficult thoughts and behaviours that have become engrained over the years, so it’s important to look after yourself.

Try to factor 20 minutes into each day to do something for yourself that you will enjoy. It could be a gentle walk outdoors, colouring or crafts, reading, listening to music or a podcast, or taking a warm bath. If it resets your mind and makes you feel calm then that’s going to really help you when it all gets too much. 

Hopefully you can take something away from this blog and use it on your recovery journey.

Remember – resilience is key, setbacks are temporary, and a better life awaits you on the other side.

G x

Comparison is the thief of joy

Published on by GeorgieLeave a comment

It’s quite sad that comparisons often play a huge part in eating disorders and recovery.

Many feel unworthy of support because they don’t consider themselves to be ‘sick’ or thin enough compared to others.

They may think they’re weak for eating more or less than someone else, exercising at different levels, weighing more or being smaller than other people. They might also worry that because they’re considered ‘better’ or ‘healthier’ than someone else, they won’t be taken seriously and get the help they need.

I’m completely guilty as charged, forever comparing myself to other people and what stage they’re at in life or their recovery journeys. I put off seeking help for months, citing ‘I’m not ill enough‘ and ‘weigh too much.’

I often worry I’m too slow, too fast, weigh too much, don’t weigh enough, bigger than that person or smaller than I was a few months ago…it’s non-stop!

I also struggle with body image issues so automatically assume I am bigger than others around me. I once tore myself up for weeks because I worried my thighs were too big and began comparing them to my friend’s whose seemed much slimmer. I drove myself crazy!

I brought it up in a therapy session once and it helped me to slowly see sense. As my view of myself is skewed, it was likely that our thighs weren’t that dissimilar.

Yet, even if mine were bigger, why would that matter? Does that make me a lesser person? Or undesirable in some way? Would my friend be a better person if hers were in fact smaller than mine?

All of these questions led me to really think about the situation I found myself in. I realised that in becoming obsessed with my friends thigh shape I overlooked other characteristics that I did not want to share. I failed to realise my worth, my popularity, my close relationships with family and friends, my skills, my ambitions and the other elements of my appearance that I do like.

It sounds completely backward now but I thought I was somehow less worthy of being supported through an eating disorder because my thighs were bigger than somebody else’s.

It shouldn’t be like this, everyone is individual and no two cases are the same and therefore don’t deserve to be treated as such.

Different people find what works for them and their own pace to be able to make improvements.

We cause ourselves so much anxiety and depression by engaging in comparisons and it’s so unnecessary.

The world will do that for us without us doing it to ourselves!

If your body shape is different, you still deserve help. If your pace is slow or fast that’s fine. If ripping the plaster off and taking the bull by the horns works for you, that’s great. Or if you’d rather go steady and adjust to the changes gradually then that’s OK too.

You do you! No one else is living in your body or head, every path is unique.

Be the focal point of your own journey and the best version of yourself instead of a second-rate version of someone else.

G x

Becoming body neutral

Published on by GeorgieLeave a comment

Try to imagine a world where you don’t think about your appearance.

You don’t spend your days looking in the mirror, honing in on those thighs you wish were smaller or torturing yourself about the size of your waist and curves. 

Nor do you waste your energy wishing you were thinner, more toned and defined, or pounding the gym to alter your shape.

You just wholeheartedly accept your body for what it is – no love or hate. 

Welcome to body neutrality!

Believed to have started in 2015 by a US fitness instructor, it is fast gaining traction around the world with more fans now than ever. Just look up #bodyneutrality on Instagram and you will find over 100,000 posts encouraging this incredible new way of being.

At its core, body neutrality aims to encourage you to fully accept your body for its achievements as opposed to its appearance. The overall goal is to reduce the enormous focus on physical attractiveness in our looks-obsessed society and remove the idea that beauty has a bearing on a person’s worth. 

So how is it different from body positivity?

Body neutrality challenges the constant ‘feel-good’, I-love-my-body movement that some people find too difficult to adopt.

Whilst it’s great that some sectors of society love the skin they’re in and flaunt their assets all over social media (I’m looking at you, Kardashians), sadly we’re not all in that extrovert headspace. That’s why this new mindset exists to counteract the hype of body positivity – the concept of loving your body no matter what it looks like.

The term ‘body positivity’ was originally coined by a group of self-confessed ‘fat-acceptance’ campaigners, who joined to promote the idea that all bodies, not just slim stereotypically attractive ones, are beautiful.

Body positive followers traditionally encourage conversations around unapologetic weight gain and celebrate plus-size individuals whilst opposing the unhealthy ‘thinspiration’ body image notion often championed by the media. 

Body neutrality, in contrast to all of this, values the facts of what your body does on a functional level for you over how it looks.

How do you do it?

It’s all about altering the way you think about yourself. 

Somebody who is body positive would say:

“I feel good about myself because I know that I look good.”

Whereas, a person who strives for body neutrality believes:

“My appearance has nothing to do with how I feel about myself.”

There are many ways you can try and adopt this approach, starting with self-talk and reflection.

Ask yourself some of the following questions to get a picture of your character and values, unrelated to appearance:

Am I a good friend?

Am I kind to others?

Am I driven and ambitious?

What are my strengths?

What do I enjoy most in life?

How would my nearest and dearest describe my personality?

Once you can build a narrative around your answers you will probably see that your appearance is one of the least interesting things about you and what’s on the inside is much more important.

Good luck!

G x

Body image and perception

Published on by GeorgieLeave a comment

“I hate my arms.” 

“My legs are huge.” 

“My hips stick out too much.” 

“I wish my waist was smaller.” 

…sound familiar?  

Body image has become a hot topic lately, regularly featuring in the media and the source of much debate in the press. It’s certainly getting us all talking more than ever before. 

Last week, I attended an online training session on body perception and it really got me thinking about this subject and my tricky relationship with it.

So what actually is body image? How is it defined?  

Well in its most basic form, it’s how we think and feel about our bodies.  

I imagine many of you will agree it can be really hard to get an accurate, balanced view of how we truly look because we bring our own fears and insecurities to our internal image of ourselves.  

I know I’m a serial offender when it comes to looking at myself in the mirror and honing in on everything I don’t like. Those thighs that I think are too large or curves I wish were bigger or smaller in certain places. I can drive myself crazy with it all! 

The media is often held responsible for the nation’s obsession with how we look and our comparisons with others around us.  

We’re all spending more time than ever consuming media and it feels like everywhere we turn there are messages telling us how we should look.  

Whether it’s filtered-to-perfection celebs on Instagram, slim models on clothing websites or even our family and friends looking amazing in their beach pics – it feels like we can’t escape these waves of jealousy that wash over us every single day.  

Positive vs Negative 

Most people will have a positive or negative body image depending on how they view themselves.   

A negative body image involves a distorted and dissatisfied perception of your shape and feelings of shame, anxiety, and self-consciousness. An all too common place for eating disorders to develop.  

Meanwhile positive body image is a clear, true perception of your appearance and feeling comfortable and confident in your body whilst accepting its natural body shape and size. A truly blissful feeling!  

So how can we strive for true body confidence and distance ourselves from our insecurities?  

Here are a few helpful tips you can use to improve your body image…  

  • Be grateful for all that your body is, not what it isn’t – just think of all the amazing things it can do; our hearts that keep blood pumping, our skin heals itself, our lungs keep us breathing, the wonder of the five senses and the ability to move, speak and think. It’s far more than just the aesthetics!  
  • Remember everybody is different – our unique genetic make-up affects our height, bone structure, shape and size so you could spend your life striving to look like someone else and it’ll never be possible. That doesn’t mean we can’t be the best version of ourselves but we certainly ought to stop trying to be someone else.  
  • Choose your media carefully – as I already mentioned, we live in media saturated world so we really must choose who to follow, and what to look at very cautiously.  Why not spend some time considering whether you’re subjecting yourself to the right channels online.  
  • Surround yourself with positive affirmations – one of the best things I ever did was write a few things I like about myself and my character and ask a select few friends and family to do the same. I recorded them all in a notebook and stored them on my phone so I can keep reminding myself of all the good in my life. I’m going to start sticking some around my mirror too so I can see them every day.  
  • Treat yourself and your body – who doesn’t feel better for spending some time pampering themselves once in a while? Whether it’s getting your hair done, having a manicure or buying yourself some new clothes, it’s the small steps we can all take to feel good about ourselves and how we look.    
  • Watch affirming videos – the internet may fuel our insecurities at times but you can also find some great, thought provoking material on there too if you look in the right places. I found a couple of really interesting videos about body image that I wanted to share… 

Video one – this one just shows how much we tear ourselves to shreds and fail to realise the positives. It’s a tough watch at the beginning as two complete strangers share their innermost insecurities, but bear with it – it gets so lovely at the end.  

Video two – this is the best Ted talk I have ever seen on the body image topic and I can relate so much to what the speaker, Mary Jelkovsky is saying and the experiences she has had. It really changed the way I think.

Interesting and thought-provoking tips that I hope will help you think differently and realise just how truly beautiful you are!  

G x